Grid Placement: Day 1

I didn't sleep last night. Come to think of it, I haven't slept much since my mom passed away, in June. Last night was especially hard because I laid awake staring at my first born. I watched his face twitch in his sleep, the same way it did when he was laying in my arms, super tiny and new, nearly seven years ago. I couldn't help but think what on earth are you doing to your baby?! Before I knew it, it was 4:30am. Time to get the road on the show (as Mom would always say :) ).

Renn woke up in such a great mood. Almost immediately, he shouted, "I'm ready! Let's get rid of these seizures!"

Tears, people. And just when I thought we had none left.

As we got in the car, it was absolutely freezing. I should have figured, because the wind was immensely powerful as it howled so hauntingly, last night. We happen to be a family that revels in the cold, so I whispered a quick "Thank you" to God, as I sat in my seat.
My mind was filled with so many things. The memories of yesterday, where we just had FUN in San Francisco for the first time ever. Seeing my kiddos marvel at the sharks above their heads in the Aquarium of the Bay, play with all the crazy do-dads in the Exploratorium and have a seagull swoop down, steal E's corndog stick, and swallow it whole, made for a thrilling Sunday. But my mind was also stabbing my heart with the many "what-ifs". And those, ladies and gentlemen, are NOT what you need running through your thoughts.

We got to UCSF right on time (6am) and things went fast. Before we knew it, he was on a bed, in a gown, and we were being interviewed by anesthesia and all the attending staff. 7:30am was drawing near and Eli, God bless him, was doing the best he could... but let's be honest. He's four. Up before dawn. In a hospital. Unsure of what in the world is happening.
It was a might bit stressful.

Then, it was time for Renn to go. Dressed in my white "bunny suit" and blue hair cap, I walked our brave Jedi into his operating room. He turned around to say goodbye to Daddy and Eli (who were
both having a difficult time obeying the DO NOT ENTER UNLESS AUTHORIZED signs), and we heard their voices fade behind the thick, metal door slamming shut.

At that moment, Renn's little hand tensed in mine. He
hesitated when he saw all the stark, sterile white. Once I got him onto his bed, the nurses talked about the "giggle gas" and how it smelled like the grape flavor he chose, earlier in the morning. His eyes widened. He didn't like the mask on his face, but after a few breaths, he began to hold still. His eyes met mine and he cried, "Momma...".

I was broken, he was fast asleep.

God, please. Please let this be the answer you have been trying to give our son...

For the next NINE hours, we heard from the

nurses in the OR off and on. It was painful. We just wanted to see him. Sure, we kept hearing great things, but it didn't matter.

Finally, Dr. Incredi-Surgeon walked in the door. He looked so tired... He said (with a giant smile), "All is good!" We talked about what to expect- the swelling, weakness on the left side, the recovery, He let me know about the loose bone flap, and how it's basically free floating. It has a hinge on it for swelling of his brain (so that the expansion will not cause Renn any issue), instead of being screwed or stapled together. However, Renn "should be back to normal ASAP".

Makes no sense to me, either.

We got to walk into Renn's beautiful room, an hour later. Our angel JEDI was laying so peacefully, and sound asleep. When he did finally open his eyes, he smirked, and went back to sleep. Of course he would. It was a see?-told-ya-I'd-be-OK kind of smirk. I wanted to smother his face with kisses.

Daddy and E left, with great hesitation, and I spoke with all the same staff who have become more like family to us, than JUST nurses and doctors. Renn experienced some nausea after eating two ice chips over the course of fifteen minutes, so we opted to let him sleep lots more. His determination to be "normal" right away was not lost on me, however. I am married to a VERY determined man, and I myself have issues with patience and relying on others for help. Wait, that's not news to you?  ;)


He is sleeping peacefully, and is showing signs of major swelling already. I'm unsure how to handle it, but I believe with all my heart that this is it. Why? Because a cute Jedi told me so.

Please pray for seizures, now. We need as many as we can get, so we can get the process started. If we get a lot of them, we will face the 2nd surgery on Friday.

Thanks, friends. Having you there to "listen" and pray sure is a giant blessing for us. God bless you all.

Be still, and know that I am God...

Psalm 46:10