We are back at home, and after the worst stomach bug EVER, I think life is returning to normal.
Well, as normal as it can be, anyway.
Renn was beyond apprehensive to go back to school, yesterday. I've never seen him cry or hold on to the fence post outside his classroom, EVER. Are you kidding? Renn, the fearless wonder? He doesn't even understand what "Stranger Danger" means; Well, he does, but I don't think he believes in it. He cried, and begged for us to take him back to the car. However, when his teacher opened the door, Renn's smile returned.
To be honest, I think this new medication wiped him out (it's called Clobazam, by the way); that's one of the very few side effects it has.He came home and fell asleep face first into his homework, then woke up, walked around like he was completely intoxicated, and passed out on the couch. He slept until dinner.
Right before bed, he had a burst of energy that enabled me to talk to him. He and I have a secret code word that I put into place when he was diagnosed that he can use when he wants to be honest about his feelings. I tell him that if he needs to REALLY talk to me (in other words, he can't use this time to tell on his brother or ask for another cookie), he just has to say the codeword and we can go to a quiet place to talk. Last night, he all but screamed the word, and told me the reason he was afraid of going to school.
"I don't want people to make fun of me," Renn said, hiding his face.
My heart just blew apart, all over the room. I couldn't contain my own fears for him... Ones I'd not truly realized were even there. I guess it'd never crossed my mind that he could get made fun of. At least not seriously. He's in Kindergarten, for crying out loud! Would kids in his class even notice when he had a seizure? My own father can't even tell unless we point it out (and that's no offense in his direction... they're hard to notice!)!
I asked our little Jedi if his teacher said anything about how the class missed him, or if he had to explain where he'd been and why. He nodded his head, but didn't say much else.
So, what do I do in this situation? Obviously talking, talking, TALKING is the most important for our boy. I just want to know where he got the idea that people would make fun of him?? But other than that, Momma Bear wants to be there and stand in his defense 24/7. I realize that, especially for a boy, that's the WORST thing a momma could do. But holy crappoli... I didn't think this would be a thought on my mind, or most especially- HIS mind, this early in the game. If only I could have Mr. George Lucas give Renn a pep-talk!
There is so much I could say about bullying... About the way our world is dealing with it in all the many ways. But right now, that's not my focus. Renn is. Renn's fears are. I want to prepare Renn for a school life where he understands that those bullies and those kiddos who just don't understand his condition, ARE out there. I want to truly teach him that school can be a friendly planet. But I want to give him the tools he needs to deal with the emotions behind it all, waaaay before he ever faces such a situation.
Anyway, Dr. Amazing emailed me yesterday as well. We should be finding out the MEG results by the end of the week, so that's something to look forward to.
Sigh... More to come.